Water Ballet From Hell

            Do you find that you're sleeping a little too well as of late?  That your dreams are of the innocuous stripe, i.e., old friends turning into llamas and eating your baseball hat, rather than full out, scream-yourself-awake nightmares followed by 15 minutes of sweating and shallow breathing interrupted by occasional anxiety-induced "whale flips" that rip the covers off your significant other?

My least favorite Burger King marketing campaign.

Well I just might have a remedy for that.

In Alaska, the only moments I had to watch the Olympics were at odd times, usually very early in the morning, and so the events that I was able to catch were generally the weird, quirky ones like race walking and horse-dancing (call it what you will, it's horse-dancing.).  I enjoyed this, since I've always held the opinion that the unknown events were much more interesting than many of the popular events.  Truth be told, there are a lot of relatively obscure sports out there that I think people would love to see in the Olympics.  Dwarf throwing is a very inclusive sport.  Fire eating merits consideration.  Eel wrestling would make good television.  I think the IOC could try harder; but I digress.

Strange events are a rootin' tootin' good time, but there was one event I saw that transcended mere oddness and burst into the realm of absolutely crap-your-freaking-pants terrifying.  They called it... Synchronized Swimming.

You probably know what synchronized swimming is, and you may have seen a little bit once or twice.  But have you ever actually seen synchronized swimming?  Have you?  Have you taken the time to notice the individual swimmers?  They are creatures of pure nightmare; born of the abyss and taking on forms that upon the first cursory glance appear to be human. For the sake of sanity your brain forces you to see them as human.  That illusion begins to slip once you really get a look at a swimmer up close.  Their terrifying alien-ghoul faces will imprint themselves on your brain.  "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" you will silently scream as the last vestiges of your sanity are extinguished.  From then on, a fear you never imagined will accompany your every waking moment; a fear only surpassed by the terrors that fill your sleep.  You will never take a bath again.

I've given you fair warning friends.  Below are some lunacy-inducing images of these synchronized demon water clowns someone found from the London games.  Gaze upon them, and never sleep again.