Gaffin': How to Speak English Like the Guyanese

Six of the best months of my mission were spent in Guyana, located in South America to the NE of Brazil.  Guyana has the distinction of being the only country in South America where English is the official language, but anyone who's been there will tell you that the true language of Guyana is Guyanese Creole.  Commonly referred to as Broke Broke English, Guyanese Creole is an english based language with influences from Dutch, West African Languages, Arawak and Carib Amer-Indian languages, and to a lesser extent Hindi from East India.  The result is something that you might recognize as English, but not quite understand.

The Magic School Bus: The Movie

O, ye children of the nineties- Watch this.  And then watch it again.  And then, if you haven't been whipped into a froth of nostalgia yet, watch it a third time.

This gave me goosebumps, and now has a solid place on my List of Things I Wish Were Real.

The post was funded in part by the National Science Foundation, the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by viewers like you!


BONUS:  The video above spurred me to go all nostalgia town today, so here's another little something that might be touching to PBS viewers of my age group.

Join Or Die

I had honestly intended to write this post pre-election, but time slipped past and before I knew it we'd up and renewed our current Numero Uno's subscription plan; but I still think it's an important post, and I hope it will provoke thought in the five of you who read this blog.

I want to start by telling a story from the Book of Mormon which I've been thinking a lot about recently.  It takes place in Chapter 1 of Helaman, where a "serious difficulty" has begun among the Nephites.  Pahoran, their Chief-Judge, has just died and the matter of succession has become a hotly contested issue.

So the Nephites held an election - fair and democratic - and their were two different groups of people on the losing side.  One one hand you have Pacumenti and his followers, who "when [they] saw that he could not obtain the judgement-seat ... did unite with the voice of the people.", and then there was Paanchi, who was "wroth".  So wroth, it seems, that he whipped his supporters into such a frenzy that they staged a revolt.  It failed, and he was executed, but his shenanegans had done their work and a deep rift formed between the two political groups of Nephites.

Now we cut-away to the secret lair of Tubaloth, the Lamanite King, who's cackling and rubbing his hands together with malicious glee.  See, the Lamanites have some bones to pick with the Nephites, but until now the Nephites have been too strong to take on.  But now they're fractured and squabbling.  Enter Coriantumr - Nephite Dissenter, Lamanite General, "mighty man".  Channeling the essence of Hurrican Sandy, he sweeps into Zarahemla like a boss.

I'll let Mormon tell you what happened next. "Because of so much contention and so much difficulty in the government, that they had not kept sufficient guards in the land of Zarahemla... Coriantumr... did take possession of the whole city."  Boom roasted.

The ensuing war cost tens of thousands of lives and was the beginning of the Gadianton Robbers, which was the main reason the Nephites were eventually annihilated.

Okay, so cool story Rusden.  Lets all laugh and point at the foolish Nephites.  Poor scrubs totally set themselves up by being divisive and stuff.  ... I'm sure you see where I'm going with this.

What kind of society do we live in today?  Divided.  Seriously divided   We are bisected in a number of ways, but the obvious one that's been on many of our minds throughout the election season is politics.  There is a widening gap - bitter and rancorous - between people who label themselves Democrats or Republicans.  It's not enough for us anymore to disagree with a president or policy; we seem to genuinely hate the other side and anyone who roots for them and will do almost anything to bring them down.

Case in point: the poopstorm that was our reaction to the election.  I'm not privy to any assassination plots just yet, but I have seen people openly wish death on those with whom they disagree; and there are scores of people who are now "so totally moving to freaking Canada", which by the way is so totally what a bunch of Nephite dissenters did (also, I've really got to point out the thick irony of the plan of escaping Obama's socialism by moving to the most socialist country out there, where even the most conservative politicians are easily three times as socialist as Obama).  

In the past couple hours I've seen a steady stream of hateful, vitriolic, sometimes even overtly racist posts on FB. Declarations of sedition, violence, and insubordination have come from people I love and respect, and whom I know are good people and many good, faithful Mormons to boot.  
  
Folks, that just doesn't jive.  Not with respect for this country, not with common decency, and certainly not with the gospel of Jesus Christ.  

Bruce R. McKonkie said, "Disputations, debates, dissentions, arguments, controversies, quarrels, and strife or contention of any sort have no part in the gospel, they are of the devil.  The gospel is one of peace, harmony, and agreement."


Elder Ezra Taft Benson said, "There are some who ... are members of the Church but not in harmony with it. These people have a temporary membership and influence in the Church; but unless they repent, they will be missing when the final membership records are recorded."

Free societies need differing viewpoints and discussion.  Shouting down opponents on FB or in real life with labels and innuendo, and playing up your own loyalty and patriotism is effective in silencing the opposition, but that spells disaster to republics and democracies, since the genius of free societies is the wisdom that comes from compromise and discussion. We often forget that our own constitution – a document we consider inspired – was hammered out in just this way.


Lets go back to Helaman 1 for a moment.  Mormon's point in the book is to show the goodness of God and the foolishness of humankind.  As he unmasks the problems with Nephite society, it's easy to see how we're making the same mistakes today.  We just had an election.  One person won, others did not.  Some of the losing party are now upset and defiant, seeking to widen the divide instead of closing the distance.  And while we engage in these disputes our enemies take note of our weakness. Are we perfectly secure?  The Nephites certainly thought so until they got zerg-rushed by Coriantumr.

It's okay for us to take some time to sulk a little, to lick our wounds; but when that time has passed, it's our responsibility to reach across the aisle, shake hands with the fellow Americans and human beings whom we still disagree with, and commit to working together to built this great nation. If Romney had won, I hope that Obama's supporters would have done the same. It was Christ who said that a house divided against itself cannot stand.  If both legs are trying to kick the other in the butt we end up on the floor. 

Are you going to be a Pacumenti now or a Paanchi?  Time to choose up.

I hope this makes sense to the two of you who read this all the way through, and I hope I don't come off as too "soap-boxy".  I care an awful lot about the future of this country, and even more about the future of the people who live here.  I leave you with the sage advice of Rufus from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure:  Be excellent to each other.

EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK AT THE SET OF STAR WARS EPISODE VII!

Jokes and stuff. Follow my blog guys. There's a linky-link over there somewhere ----------->

Water Ballet From Hell

            Do you find that you're sleeping a little too well as of late?  That your dreams are of the innocuous stripe, i.e., old friends turning into llamas and eating your baseball hat, rather than full out, scream-yourself-awake nightmares followed by 15 minutes of sweating and shallow breathing interrupted by occasional anxiety-induced "whale flips" that rip the covers off your significant other?

My least favorite Burger King marketing campaign.

Well I just might have a remedy for that.

In Alaska, the only moments I had to watch the Olympics were at odd times, usually very early in the morning, and so the events that I was able to catch were generally the weird, quirky ones like race walking and horse-dancing (call it what you will, it's horse-dancing.).  I enjoyed this, since I've always held the opinion that the unknown events were much more interesting than many of the popular events.  Truth be told, there are a lot of relatively obscure sports out there that I think people would love to see in the Olympics.  Dwarf throwing is a very inclusive sport.  Fire eating merits consideration.  Eel wrestling would make good television.  I think the IOC could try harder; but I digress.

Strange events are a rootin' tootin' good time, but there was one event I saw that transcended mere oddness and burst into the realm of absolutely crap-your-freaking-pants terrifying.  They called it... Synchronized Swimming.

You probably know what synchronized swimming is, and you may have seen a little bit once or twice.  But have you ever actually seen synchronized swimming?  Have you?  Have you taken the time to notice the individual swimmers?  They are creatures of pure nightmare; born of the abyss and taking on forms that upon the first cursory glance appear to be human. For the sake of sanity your brain forces you to see them as human.  That illusion begins to slip once you really get a look at a swimmer up close.  Their terrifying alien-ghoul faces will imprint themselves on your brain.  "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" you will silently scream as the last vestiges of your sanity are extinguished.  From then on, a fear you never imagined will accompany your every waking moment; a fear only surpassed by the terrors that fill your sleep.  You will never take a bath again.

I've given you fair warning friends.  Below are some lunacy-inducing images of these synchronized demon water clowns someone found from the London games.  Gaze upon them, and never sleep again.

Now Playing: October 4

herefore music, being in it's very design a construct of heaven, and, possessing innately the capacity to enlighten, inspire, yea, even to soothe the savage beast, is therefore considered by me worthy of propigation and distribution by those in the happy possession thereof to the misfortuned and benighted among the populace.  Consequently, and with such a benevolent aim in mind, the vast expanse of the internet being so great and capacious a vessel as to allow mercurial transfer of melody in fleet-footed fashion, have I undertaken to dispense that which is but a mere exemplaritorial cross-section, of that music which is most lovely to hear, and is, as determined by myself, being of sound mind and hearty constitution, to be of rather good taste.  It was, and remains, insofar as I am able to warrant, my most closely-held wish, that you enjoy the following musical compositions and learn, as I have, to relish them.

So I was up late reading Common Sense by Thomas Paine last night, and I dig the guy's style.  Literary flows off the Heezee, yo.  I thought I'd try introducing this post T-Paine style, hope you slogged through it okay.  In case you didn't, I said, in essence:  Music is rad and good music should be shared.  The internet is a great way to do that so here's some stuff I'm into.  Hope you can dig it.

Been into a lot of Dubstep/Glitch Hop lately, and I'm still enjoying the folk/Indie scene.  Take a listen and find something you enjoy.

	Fleet Foxes - The Cascades Since their formation in 2006, the Fleet Foxes have been one of the most influential groups in the Indie Folk genre.  Truly beautiful music.  I've been listening to this song on repeat the last couple days.
	Savant - 8-bit Lightsaber Savant is easily one of my favorite Dubstep/Glitch Hop/Electro House artists.  Relatively new, he's cranked out 4 full-length albums in the last 10 months, and 8-bit Lightsaber is off of his latest album, Ism, which released last week. It's an infectious, funky dubstep track drawing heavily on a Chiptune sound.  Sounds a lot like Mizuki's Last Chance, which is another of my favorite Dub/Chipstep producers.
	Radical Face - Ghost Towns One of the projects of Ben Cooper, Radical Face is one of my favorite Indie bands.  Their most well-known song is Welcome Home Son, and if you haven't heard it, you should.  This song is from The Family Tree: The Roots, which is the first of what will be a trilogy of albums, with The Leaves and The Branches yet to come.
	Fleet Foxes - Blue Spotted Tail Another beautiful song from the Fleet Foxes, Blue Spotted Tail is pretty simple to fingerpick and it's always relaxing to play, like all of the Flee Foxes' stuff.
	The Weakerthans - Sounds Familiar I so much love the style and cadence of the Weakerthans.  There's genuine poetic depth in the lyrics, which are at once thoughtful and playful, and delivered in a wry, affectionate tone.  It's something shared by bands like They Might Be Giants and The Mountain Goats (some of my all-time favorites) that really speaks to me.

roozden scoot 3: buffalo bill's revenge

They’ve just announced the rules of how this works, and I gotta say I’m not too thrilled.  All of us present at the announcement got a BBW branded paper tray like the ones they serve wings in, and tonight starting at 8 o’clock, they’ll be giving everyone who’s awake a sticker to put on the trays every hour.  At the end, whoever has the most stickers gets a prize until all 100 are gone.  In other words, your position in line means zilch, and it’s possible for someone to show up at 8 PM, stay the night and still have a shot.  That reeks to me of an underhanded way of them trying to get as many people as possible to stay in order to drum up business.  If they started turning people away once there were 100 people in line there would only be 100 people here, but they want everyone to stick around thinking they have a chance.  I don’t like it.  Of course, I realize that I’m not entitled to anything here, and they make the rules, but the sign and all the advertising says that the first 100 people get free wings, not the first to amass 14 stickers.  I’m just sayin’.

Now, for some real liveblogging, because this is the future.

Update: 8:00 PM - The fun has begun.  I spent the day playing cards and chatting with my new buddies Ryan, Ammon, Lindsay, and Kami.  My dad swung by earlier and brought me food (thanks Dad!) and came back a few minutes ago to take my brother Cameron's place, since he got a boat last night but can't stay tonight due to work in the morning.  Which brings us to now, and the first sticker of what I can tell is going to be a long, long, night.

Update: 9:45 PM - 2nd sticker!!  They've got the speakers blasting popular tunes and will keep it up all night.  Blazing challenges continue.  Meanwhile, I play my guitar and watch episodes of Community on my laptop.

Update:  12:00 AM - 5th sticker and going strong.  Computer is dying so no more Community.  I've been waking my dad up every hour for a sticker, and soon we'll start taking shifts getting each other up.

Update:  2:00 - AM Overheard while waiting in the sticker line for the upteenth time: "This is exactly like being in a concentration camp!" - Some ignorant caffeine-addled teen girl who clearly would know all about being in a concentration camp.

Update: 3:00 AM - Time is blurry.  All our jokes are funnier.  Kid next door has a rat tail that I thought about cutting off earlier.  The more I think about it the bettter the idea seems.

Update: 5:00 AM - Was there a time before stickers and cardboard wing boats?  I... I don't remember.  I just don't remember anything.

Update: 6:00 AM - We are the undead, and every hour we rise, bidden by our buffalo masters to shamble forth to the doors.  The only sound is the rasp of our feet - some clad in shoes, others barefoot - dragging over the rough pavement.  When we have recieved our sticker, we return to our shallow canvas graves accompanied by Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Call Me Maybe'.  There we lie dormant until the hiss of the loudspeaker summons us again to life.  Maybe next time they'll be playing Mambo Number 5. ... again.

Update:  8:30 AM - WE MADE IT!!  We're about to get our last sticker and then our victory will be assured.  The sweet taste of free wings is already in my mouth.  People are getting lined up for the last time and the mood is pretty jovial.  Last update folks.  After this we pack up the tents and then get into another line, this time to get into the restaurant.  In two hours I'll be stuffing my face with the best wings straight from the herd on Antelope Island*!

*Not actually from the buffalo on Antelope Island.